never come to that

A few days ago, we had a very strange conversation for me.  We were talking about how to interact with the medical staff during the birth, and who got to say what when.  I wanted to know how much she wanted me to speak up, and how much decision making I should plan on doing vs. amplifying the decisions she had made.  She said something that really took the wind out of me.

"It's your kid too, so you have to have a say in that."

Call me oblivious, but I'd never thought about it in those terms.  We've gone far beyond the "fetus" stage in terms of how we've bonded to Bambin@, but I hadn't made that transition in terms of "entity that may have divergent or even oppositional medical needs than those of my partner."  Whoa.

I don't think it's likely that such a conflict of interest is likely to arise, at least in the medical sense.  The pregnancy has been straightforward (if not easy) and no indications of high risk conditions.  We're exceedingly lucky in this regard.  So that part is easy enough to put away, and our birth planning is going on pretty much as I'd expected before.

But it's almost a guarantee to happen in other smaller ways through out the next years.  As a couple, we've rarely had to weigh anything as more serious than our commitment to each other.  How do we spend our time?  How do we choose what's important?  How do we answer any question?

Look at the other person.  There's your answer.

I'm fully aware that plenty of folks have done this before, and that this isn't exactly a new worry.  I've just never done it.  Knowing that I love this kid almost immeasurably is easy when Arden is always in clear custody at all times.  Where's my Bambin@ is not a question I've been asking.  My attention can be on both of them rather easily at the moment.

It's a bright clear morning today, the kind that reminds me a great deal of our time at Mac.  I'm sitting at Shish, drinking coffee and writing.  Really reminds me of Mac.  We've been really lucky to have some great years together in which we had the luxury of really focusing on each other.  So even if I don't know exactly how it will shake out, that track record gives me a lot of faith that somehow we'll still manage to keep being good to each other, even in the mist of a project as involved as creating, loving, and growing a kid.