The Sex of Our Baby

Since getting pregnant, we've received a lot of questions from family and friends (and, let's face it, mostly from my students) about whether we will be finding out the sex of our baby. Since our ultrasound is in a matter of hours, I thought now might be a good time to share our reasons why we are not intending to find out the sex of Bambin@ today.

We're trying to avoid any tendencies to stereotype our child. 
I know that we will find out Bambin@'s sex eventually. I don't pretend that we won't ever know whether we have a son or a daughter and, eventually, s/he will have to grow up in a world where gender stereotypes exist. But right now is such a particularly vulnerable time -- when we know so very little about our baby. I fear that if we only knew the sex, the inclination to put too much stock into that piece of information (to start dreaming and thinking about our life with a particular type of baby) would be very hard to resist.

We intend to have more children and would like to re-use clothes and other baby items in the future. 
Baby stuff is so cute. And so gendered. It's difficult to find gender-neutral items anymore. Most clothes for girls scream (either through imagery or words) that they are to be used only for girls. For boys, I think there's a little more overlap, but it's so frustrating to find a nice pack of green, brown and blue bibs (perfect for either sex!) and have the last one say, "Man of the House" or something to that effect. Non-gendered items do exist (either by strategically shopping for "boy" or "girl" clothes that really could be used for either or by finding that coveted middle aisle of yellow, green, and orange items), and it is satisfying to find them. If we knew the sex of the baby though I think we'd be tempted to start expanding into the territory of items that would not be able to be used for a second child, and that would be frustrating later on.

This is what our parents did, and our parents' parents, and . . .
I'm kind of a sucker for tradition. I like that waiting to find out the sex is something that links us with previous generations of family members. In particular (and this feeds in to the first two reasons a lot), my family participated in a "non-sexist parenting group." The families that participated in this group formed a big part of my social upbringing as a child and so I credit my parents' interest in this with a lot of what makes me who I am today. I feel committed to trying everything possible to give Bambin@ a similar experience.

Sex determination by ultrasound can be incorrect. 
We know a few people who have been told that they were going to have girls and delivered boys instead. Since this will likely be our last ultrasound of the pregnancy, we wouldn't get multiple opportunities to "confirm" the sex before the arrival of the baby. While I'm quite sure we'd be happy with whatever baby popped out, I am very anxious about the possibility of spending the next few months expecting to have a child of one sex and then be surprised at the birth. If I were already getting an amniocentesis  I would consider taking a look at the chromosomes (because how awesome would that be?) and determining the sex that way. But since we are not, I'm just not interested.

We don't have a preference. 
There was a time when I strongly wanted two girls. I grew up in a family of two girls and the idea of brothers was a little scary. Those days are now in the past -- in part because our visits with Baby Walter of Wisconsin this past year have been so intensely rewarding that the idea of raising boys feels much more familiar and natural. We're both excited and would be happy with a baby of either sex.

Does this mean that we're not curious? No. We're very curious! And we totally understand why others would choose to find out. We're just really excited to meet our little Bambin@ in person and learn all kinds of things about him or her in a few more months.