Two Years of Awesome

Greta turned two last week and today we had her 2 year old appointment. She's about 23 lbs and 33 inches. It's harder and harder to describe what she's up to these days. There aren't big, momentous changes the way that there were in that first year or so. Now the changes are more subtle.

She's talking more everyday, and it's fun to see her mind work. Yesterday, she had gone to the zoo with Ben's parents and sister and I'd been made aware of the fact that she might be chattering about bears and penguins as a result. So while she was eating dinner, I asked her if she had gone to the zoo, did she see bears, etc. What intrigued me was that she not only confirmed that she had seen these animals, but she elaborated that the bears had been sleeping and the penguins had been swimming, and that the penguins had also eaten fish ("Bite! Fish!" along with illustrative gestures). What surprised me most was that when I asked her about other possible animals that she may have seen ("Did you see any tigers at the zoo?") she paused, thought, and then said, "No." I had kind of suspected that when she was prompted, "Did you do x, y, and z today?" that she was always saying "yes" just to please us because of the way she was being asked the question. But it became clear from the conversation that she was truly thinking about whether she had seen each animal and answering to the best of her memory. It was kind of awesome to actually carry on a conversation with my child.

She's also starting to move more quickly -- scurrying more quickly and having stronger opinions about where she wants to go when we are out walking. This is both fun and exhausting. A trip to Target can be a bit of an adventure when she's not in her best listening mood. But it's also lots of fun. When I took her to the park recently, she not only wanted to slide down the slide, but she also pushed herself off, without me having to coax her or help her scoot close enough to the edge.

She really is just getting more fun everyday. I can't think of much more to update on. I suppose I could go on for a paragraph or two about her picky eating habits, but . . . eh . . . it's not too interesting of a discussion topic. So here are some pictures.

This was an attempted reprise of last year's Pi Day photo op. 

She LOVES walking around with her hands in her pockets.  

Bittersweet Moments

This past week has been hard on us.

Thursday, March 12, is the day that we would have been due with Sparkie. I spent most of last summer thinking about what it would be like to have another March baby, how excited I was for the potential of another Pi Day birthday, and how wonderful it would be to have the rest of the year off after my due date.

So in the lead-up to March 12, I struggled. A lot. It doesn't help that this is a rough time of year at work. So every time I have a stressful moment during the workday, I cannot help but instantly think, "I should be on maternity leave right now." Which then brings stinging tears to my eyes.

For the last several days, I've been having flashbacks to the last days before Greta's birth. Wondering what it would have been like to be preparing for Sparkie's arrival. Remembering what I was doing the day before Greta's due date. The day of Greta's due date. Wondering if things will go the same with Piccola. Knowing that by this point we'd know if Sparkie's birth timeline would have been the same or different.

The weather also perfectly warmed up this week. I feel simultaneously ecstatically happy at the sudden onset of spring, and deeply depressed that I can't be bringing a new life into this world amidst all the freshness of the season. As I start putting away my maternity sweaters and digging around for t-shirts, I remember that if things had gone "as they should have" then I wouldn't have to worry about a change of maternity wardrobe at all. I would have given birth the same week as the onset of spring. I wouldn't have to buy maternity tank tops and shorts and prepare to be 9 months pregnant in the heat and humidity of June and July. At this very moment, I'd be wearing whatever postpartum nursing and loungewear I could dig up, hanging out with a newborn and enjoying a breeze through the open window.

I know that there are no guarantees in life. I know that I should be so grateful and happy for the all-signs-point-to-healthy baby that we are having, and that I should stop fretting over what "might have been." But it's hard. Unbelievably hard. Much harder than I had ever expected. It doesn't help that this is the most emotional part of pregnancy for me. At the beginning of pregnancy I am grumpy and perhaps a bit irrational, but it's the second half of pregnancy when I cry at everything.

Last Wednesday, I turned 24 weeks pregnant. This is a milestone that, if I'm remembering correctly, marks the start of when doctors would make every attempt to save the baby's life if she were born prematurely. This is a big milestone in my mind, and one that I'm grateful to have achieved. But at the same time, it has made all my "I should be going into labor right now" feelings even harder to deal with. I don't want to go into labor over three months early. I want this baby to be healthy and full-term. So to have these conflicting thoughts of "I wish I were going into labor right now" and "I don't want to give birth until June 10 at the earliest" is kind of a head trip.

At this point, I'm just really hoping that these strong emotions will pass. Ben said yesterday that he feels like part of the joy we've been feeling at the onset of spring is due to the fact that it makes Piccola feel that much closer to us. As long as we were in winter hibernation misery, Piccola's summer arrival was still "two seasons away."Now that spring is here, it feels like the 16 weeks until her expected arrival aren't such a drudgery to endure. We'll get there. One day at a time.

Second Trimester Updates Galore

I've written so many blog posts lately. What? You haven't read them? Oh, that's because I have been composing them in my head on the way to work and procrastinating on actually writing them.

So, backing up a few weeks . . .

The Big Ultrasound

On February 16 (President's Day), we had our big ultrasound. Our appointment was two-fold. First we met with a genetic counselor who seemed to find our family history quite boring in genetic counseling terms. Then we had the ultrasound and met with the perinatologist. Everything with Piccola looked great. I believe the words "perfect" were uttered more than once.

It was extremely emotional for me. I finally felt connected to this baby. A few weeks later, I have to remind myself of the thrilling moments when I stared at her little profile on the screen as we waited for the perinatologist to review our results. Unfortunately, I still rarely feel movement and so the ultrasound was a critical experience and one that, with time, has sadly faded in it's impact. I just have to keep reminding myself of how special that moment was.

At least we were able to determine the cause of the lack of feeling of movement -- and it's definitely not that Piccola isn't active. Quite the contrary, we saw her giving several swift kicks. Swift kicks to . . . the placenta. Yep, the placenta is covering the entire front of my abdomen. The perinatologist commented that it not only came down very low, but also extended up quite high in my uterus. Basically, as far as I could see, there wasn't a single part of Piccola that didn't have placenta in front of it. Sigh. It's hard enough to connect to a second baby, but much harder when you don't feel her very often. I guess I'll just continue going in to the midwife every two weeks for heartrate checks.

February 18

February 18 marked milestones for all. It was Ben's 32nd birthday. Greta turned 23 months old and the countdown to her 2nd birthday began. Piccola turned 21 weeks in gestation and I, consequently, turned 21 weeks pregnant. It felt like a big turning point for all of us -- to be so decidedly on our way to our family of four.

Nesting 

Nesting with a second child is still a completely bizarre experience for me. With Greta, we were mostly focused on making appropriate purchases. And then as those purchases were researched and made, we created space in our home for them, assembled them, read instruction booklets, etc.

With this new baby, especially after we found out that she would be a girl, we keep telling ourselves, "Well, we have everything we need!"

This is true and it isn't.

It is true in that we have everything that we used with Greta.

It isn't true in that Greta still uses some of those things. Like her crib. And her dresser. And her stroller. So while we have everything we would need if we were having another first child, we aren't having another first child, we're adding a second child to our family -- of which, Greta is still an active member.

It's also not true in that some items need replacement or re-purchasing. Like pacifiers. And likely bottles -- or at least nipples. And since we don't use cloth, of course we will need to buy new diapers in the appropriate size.

And the final point is that, even if we "have" everything we need (which we don't, as stated above), we still need to remember what needs to come out of storage and set it up.

I have a feeling that I'm going to keep saying, "Oh, I'll do that once school is out and I have more time," for the next several weeks. And then before I know it, I will be very uncomfortable, hot, and tired . . . and re-assembling a swing in a panic while I stress out about whether I'm having labor contractions or Braxton Hicks.

When does one get the house prepared for a second baby? Next week Piccola reaches viability. Is that the best time to start getting prepped for this baby's actual, you know, arrival?

Big Purchase

The biggest purchase we've made for Piccola's arrival is a double stroller. After stressing about it for weeks and freaking out over the expense, size, and functionality of every double stroller I searched for, I found a Craigslist post for one of my top picks at half the price of a new one. We checked it out yesterday and paid cash for it.

I'm insanely happy with the purchase. I feel like it's such a load off of my mind to have gotten a good deal on something I really wanted. I really wanted a full double stroller, even though I knew that it would be tough to predict how much Greta would be using the stroller by the time Piccola arrives and there were some potential advantages to a sit-and-stand. Ultimately, though, I knew that if I had a double stroller that was comfortable for the kids and that I found comfortable and enjoyable to use, I would be much more inclined to take the girls out and get some exercise in those early weeks when I need endorphins more than anything. Yes, I will admit it, this stroller is more for me than for Greta or Piccola. I want to be able to walk at my own pace and zone out a little on a nice walk. I don't want to have to chase after Greta when she refuses to hold my hand. I don't want to have to "wear the baby and push the toddler" in the hot and humid summer. I don't want to have to walk like a cowboy because my toddler is standing on a ride-along attachment between me and the handlebar. I want the possibility that the kids could nap while on the go. I just want a reliable method of transporting two kids comfortably and safely without having to load them into the car. Sitting in a stroller may no longer be Greta's favorite activity, but it's not like she hates the experience either.  I don't feel bad at all about making her do it now and then so that I can get in a nice walk.

Oh man, I am so ready for spring. I need a walk right now. The second trimester was really made for springtime.